you have just turned four. four! I can't believe it.
four years ago i remember talking to you, still plump inside me, the morning of your scheduled c-section. two days prior, on halloween, you had jump started labor a week early. for eight hours through the night, you teased me that i would get to meet you that evening. at 6am, i remember thinking, if i have one more contraction that close together, i am going to the hospital. but then.... i woke up, startled and confused. it was 9am.
Oh. I guess I'm not in labor anymore.
So at that day's already scheduled doctor's visit, we scheduled the c-section for two days later (because of complication from the first baby.) I didn't have a problem having a c-section, I had a problem scheduling your birthday. I wanted to honor that you had your own timing, and allow you that without my interference.
so i talked to you, constantly.
i told you that you had to let me know. you had to let me know if Wednesday was your day, the day you were meant to enter this world.
I told you to let me know by starting my labor. and if not, if it was not ok, you had to let me know that too, and i would cancel the c-section.
on wednesday, november 3rd, 2010, a little after three in the afternoon, you did let me know, with a soft, steady stream of contractions. within the hour, they had ramped up significantly, and by the time i arrived at the hospital for my appointment at 5pm, we were in full-on labor. "you're in labor!" the nurses exclaimed after hooking me up to their machines.
"i know," i said calmly. "i've been telling you guys that."
urgency swept under their feet and people were suddenly abuzz about me. they didn't want you to descend the birth canal since we had to do a c-section, and my contractions were by now very close together. but i never felt more confidently calm, relieved that you had spoken, and that that day was going to be the day i would be blessed to meet you.
at 8:55pm, you burst onto the scene. even in the E.R., you showed your spunky personality. from day one you have been a sweet, feisty, spunky little bunny. sensitive and fiery all in one and you have been a sparkling injection into our family.
we celebrated on your actual birthday with our family, and then had a small party with your preschool friends on the weekend. it was your first "big" party and i loved watching you play with all your friends that you have started bonding with at school.
you are very much a girly-girl, and you love playing dress up. "i love girls with gloves!" you'll say, as you put on your blue Elsa gloves, the ones that play just a two line instrumental of "Let it go" as you hop on your scooter, and i'll see your blue gown flowing and that pop of blue from your gloves as you scoot down the drive.
you got your very first pet, and i have loved watching you fall in love with her. you go to her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. you first named her Snowy, but quickly added new names: Snowy, Jewel, Anna, Elsa, all of which remain, and in that order, but for short you are simply: Elsa.
you are super creative and make the most interesting drawings. i love the insight it gives me into your mind and how you see the world.
you love bandaids, as evidenced in the photo above.
Recently you declared that you had changed your name to Stella. inexplicably. you're not too insistent, but every so often you'll remind me. "Okay, Stella," i'll say, and then we're good for another couple of days before you remember again.
you're settling in at school, making new friends and bonding more deeply with old ones. you're going to marry one little guy at school, you tell me. Alex. but assure me you are still going to marry me and daddy and keats.
when you get upset, you get really upset and it is hard to resettle you. but recently we found a thing that soothes you: a jewel. or "jewel" i should say, as anything sparkly will work, or any old rock that resembles a crystal. i will ask you if you want one, or you'll ask me, and it will instnatly recenter us both.
i love you immensely. i have never met a more tenderhearted, passionate, sensitive, creative, and entertaining, knows-what-she-wants kind of girl such as you. you are a light to us all.
hi, i'm megan, a wife, mom and
photographer who works under my nickname, charleystar.
this blog is a personal space to share things that inspire me and personal thoughts on love and life. thanks for stopping by.